The Glimmer Man
Dir: John Gray
Star: Steven Seagal, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Brian Cox, Bob Gunton
Cert / Year: 18 - R / 1996
Format: VIDEO

As Los Angeles is gripped in fear at the hands of a sinister serial killer known as "The Family Man" the local police department desperately hunt for the serial killer before he can kill and crucify another set of victims. Wise cracking detective, Jim Campbell (Keenan Ivory Wayans) is assigned a new "specialist" partner to help with the case in the rounded and "mystic" shape of Jack Cole (Steven Seagal). The Eastern potion packing and philosophy quoting New York cop Cole, is a mystery to his colleagues and it soon appears to him that this killer is making things personal (isn't that a surprise!). Campbell will have to take a leap of faith and trust the increasingly implicated Cole if they are ever to catch the killer in their midst.

Yet again Steven Seagal delivers another dose of dreary brain washed drivel for the buddy buddy cop movie with a flimsy plot genre. In this case however the film relies upon the dubious "talent" of Steven Seagal, which is never a good thing. In this incarnation Seagal attempts to play an all knowing, wise old martial arts monk / wise man / cop character but is generally ill equipped to convincingly carry it off. At one point almost inexplicably, Seagal audaciously delivers the line "Get your ugly white butt out of here". Perhaps he has certain issues with his identity that he really should address and is obviously harbouring aspirations to become a tubby, Tibetan holy man.

There is a general lack of real chemistry between the two main leads of Seagal and Wayans and the characters are cliche and under developed as you have come to expect from a Seagal movie. The fight choreography is the standard brand of dull Seagal bitch slap fight technique, loosely derived from Aikido but not looking as fluidic and graceful as the lumbering Seagal waves his hands around like swatting invisible bees. The trademark, sped up fight sequences grate and only serve to try and make Seagal appear to be fast and skilful, which he obviously isn't.

Not a terrible story courtesy of Kevin Brodbin but it isn't an original idea and here it has been "Seagal-ified". You get bored and tired of the same namby pamby bitch slapping shenanagins from Steven Seagal and when you have seen one of his films, you have seen them all. He is wooden and talentless and is probably only making films now because he produces them himself. The lardy Seagal hasn't yet reached the proportions of the "Pilsbury dough boy" but he is certainly getting there, especially in his more recent films, which is a far cry from the lithe pony tailed numpty we all came to despise in films such as Nico and Hard to Kill. He holds his gun like a handbag and when it comes to using weapons he over accentuates his movements with a bland technicality which makes him appear to have only just learnt how to use it and just looks ludicrous and quite unconvincing. With some pretentious and unimaginative posturing that is identical in every film he makes Seagal is about as versatile as a house brick and totally unbelievable.

The dialogue is very, very poor as Seagal lazily dispenses "Grass hopper" references (courtesy of cult 70's TV series "Kung-Fu") and tries to play the Dalai Lama for the most part of the film with his Tibetan prayer beads and terrible fashion sense. As if that wasn't bad enough, he tries to trade "wise cracks" with a professional comedian like Keenan Ivory Wayans which never works and manages to counter act each other. Seagal should really steer clear of comedy in future, as he has no........ timing.

The Glimmer Man is your usual Steven Seagal flaccid pile of cack of a movie with awful martial arts choreography, terrible acting (mainly by him) and usually an underlying atmosphere of "mess with me and I'll kill you". They really are all the mind numbing same. Basically the same rubbish with a different title. Death by credit card and the farcical rubber iron railing finale just finish off a tedious hour and a half viewing. The best Steven Seagal film he has made is still...... Executive Decision.

Rating: 1 out of 5

Reviewed by Logan Back Top Home