Action
Deadly Heroes
.
Dir: Menahem Golan
Star: Jan Michael Vincent, Michael Pare, Claudette Mink, Billy Drago
Cert / Year: 18 - R / 1994
Format: DVD R0
'

When Navy S.E.A.L. Brad Cartowski (Michael Pare) is wounded whilst trying to foil a hijack attempt he stumbled into at an airport, his wife Marcy (Claudette Mink) is taken hostage by the terrorists. They get away when the US government releases their leader (Billy Drago) who takes a shine to Marcy and takes her to his obligatory island fortress. Then it is up to Brad and his former S.E.A.L. team Captain (Jan Michael Vincent) to save the day and launch a high-tec assault (They steal the electric fuses) on her captors

You have got to love the sheer audacity of the old straight to video movies. In many cases, it is a miracle that such utter rubbish ever got to see celluloid, and this is one of them. A ridiculous plot, based on a flimsy story, pitting some of the dumbest bad guys in the history of cinema led by Billy Drago, with some almost equally dumb 'heroes' led by Michael Pare. The bad guys here don't notice a set of shiny keys float past their face on a conveniently placed and de-twigged branch and also completely miss a woman in a bright green silk shirt 'creeping up' on a guard by cleverly walking in front of him. This is of course right after she opened a door, also right in front of him without him noticing and then has the gall to 'jump' and act surprised when he allegedly does see her! A hostage is locked alone in a room where a wardrobe has an arsenal of automatic weapons and that is just the tip of the no brain iceberg of predictable idiocy, which you are subjected to here. It is hard to believe that this film was made in the 90's as pretty much everything about it from the fashion to the styling is very eighties.

Deadly Heroes really is too dumb for words, and it is difficult finding any redeeming features in this cheesy and hammy pile of excrement. The direction is awful, the script is truly pathetic, cheesy and quite dreadful. Billy Drago suffers from some of the most god-awful and stupidly repetitive dialogue ever written. Both he and the script seem obsessed with the breasts of leading lady Claudette Mink, who incidentally is pretty bad too, in fact the phrase 'wooden as a rocking horse' springs to mind. Speaking of wooden, Michael Pare (Prince of Poo!, The Sultan of Stink!) delivers yet another of his dreadful performances, with dialogue featuring plenty of his "baby" lines and yet more opportunities for him to slur out almost incomprehensible dialogue in a manner to make even Sylvester Stallone seem intelligible. Added to which his performance now features him whipping off his shirt at the drop of a hat, which I hate to break it to you... does not make him a good actor, and he isn't that well toned either. Former Airwolf star Jan Michael Vincent, must have been really desperate to agree to do this turkey, as he rides the cheese roller coaster for his performance of one of the dumbest former Navy S.E.A.L.s ever. His cunning technique of throwing coins to distract the enemy is bloomin' stupid, especially when just shooting them would work so much easier. As if his dodgy tactics weren't enough, you have some farcical and comedic combat scenes that are just so bad I'm still giggling about them whilst writing this. Jan Michael Vincent must be pining for the heady days of Airwolf..... Way back when he had a career.

This depiction of America's special forces (Navy S.E.A.L.s) is pretty darn BAD. Slow, un-fluidic, erratic combat moves that look staged and some of the most un-military manoeuvres possible are some of the quibbles I have with this film. It is blatantly un-researched, poorly choreographed and brandishing complete idiocy as its weapon, the whole dumb thing is so bad you can't help laughing, in places. I bet Don Johnson didn't know that Jan Michael Vincent had raided his wardrobe and pinched one of his old Miami Vice suits for this film. The ending manages to cram more American flags onto a pier than is anywhere near decent, and slaps the viewer in the face with a cheesy flag waving moment, adding even more insult to injury.

To say this is film is awful is an understatement, but it is just so dumb it is perfect for a boys beer and movie night, especially for the wee small hours, when you are so drunk you'll watch anything. Apart from that, this is an unintentionally funny film well worth avoiding.

Taglines

Terrorism has a new enemy!

Quotes

I love your breasts

Rating: 1 out of 5

DVD
Picture 4.3 Fullscreen Not a great transfer, grainy picture
Audio Dolby Digital 2.0 Boring and unstimulating
Features Dull unimpressive menu
Very poor quality trailer
Verdict Terrible disc, in keeping with the terrible film it delivers.

Rating: 0 out of 5

Reviewed by Logan Back Top Home