Horror SciFi
Breeders
.
Dir: Paul Matthews
Star: Todd Jenson, Samantha Janus, Oliver Tobias
Cert / Year: 18 - R /1998
Format: DVD R2
'

Normally I wouldn't do this, but instead of writing my own synopsis of the story here is what it says on the DVD sleeve. Bare with me things will become apparent why. This is what the box sleeve says: It's an invasion of the most personal and terrifying kind. When a meteorite crash lands onto a Boston college campus and an alien beast is released, only one man understands its mission to mate. From the depths of an all girls college, the grotesque monster stalks his prey in a cat-and-mouse chase until the final conflict, where only one species can survives.

What a pile of toss. Even their synopsis is tacky, and promises way more than it delivers. This would have been better described as; An unconvincing bloke in rubber suit tries to scare B movie actors, in pathetic and derivative z grade Alien rip off. The movie definitely doesn't do what it says on the tin. Whoa, hold on, have I lost my reviewing objectivity? How could I justify this? Well lets start at the beginning.

The Isle of Man is a beautiful island situated in the Irish sea in between England and Ireland. It has a burgeoning film industry, which is popular because of its scenic locations that can look like many different areas of country side (most notably doubling for Ireland in the hit film Waking Ned Devine). It is not known for its cities as it has none, or its ability to look like America, because it doesn't, and in this case especially not Boston. Attempts to convince us by putting word Boston on everything just look sadly comical.

Unconvincing locations are only the start of the films problems. A good alien movie needs a good alien. The alien here looks like something that Doctor Who would be ashamed of. It is lame, the hands look like those joke monster gloves you can buy from joke shops, and the head is bad rubber mask with only the minimal of animation. The same level of competence is applied to all of the effects in the film, as the laughably bad refinery blowing up at the end of the movie demonstrates.

What about the actors they can't be a rubber as the alien? You're right they are not rubber, they are wooden. Samantha Janus is capable of much better as she proved in the comedy series Game On, and the film Up and Under. Here she is terrible with the worst American accent ever. Todd Jenson is just as bad playing the most lecherous college teacher ever (this guy would be locked up in real life). Worst of all is Oliver Tobias. Words fail me as to his performance, it is just unspeakably awful. Added to this are the worlds least convincing SWAT team, a college consisting of just ten other students, and the most bizarre janitor since Hong Kong Phooey (and he was a talking dog!).

Paul Matthews both wrote (although I think it may be based upon an American film of the same name) and directed this steaming pile of dog do. He is obviously a man of no cinematic talent as the script is disjointed and poor, and the direction is plain bad. Check out his strange predilection for filming woman's legs, and the fact the Samantha Janus's butt is in every other shot. Marvel as he edits sex scenes from another film into his with all of the skill of a butcher. Be amazed a continuity and common sense are dispensed with for yet more shots of the rubber monster, and Samantha Janus's butt (again!). If there is justice in the world then this man should not be allowed to watch a film let alone make one.

This film is pants (just in case you hadn't figured it out yet), in many places it is so bad it is amusing, but do not at any cost take this as a recommendation. The only reason I can see for watching it is if you want to see Samantha Janus's behind, in which case watch Up and Under you will not be disappointed and it is a good film to boot. Sometime people boast that they could make a better movie, well in this case they probably right. How British sci-fi films have fallen from Quatermass to this is a very sad state of affairs. The tag line for the film is "It's time to prey". May I suggest that is changed to "It's time to pray you never have to watch this film".

Rating: 0 out of 5

DVD
Picture 4:3 Cropped and grainy
Audio Sterio Only Sterio but a surpisingly well used sound mix
Features 10 grainy captures from the film
Verdict A bad disc for a bad film

Rating: 1 out of 5

Reviewed by Glitz Back Top Home